Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
