I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
