i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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