Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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