I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
two words...techno handjob
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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