i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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