im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Houston, we have a blender
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
