I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
