he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
