The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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