I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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