Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
