he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
