It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
