I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
