He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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