I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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