I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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