Dual....:-)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
