Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
