Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't EVER smell your tampon
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
