I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
