Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
