I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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