so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
