you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
