I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
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