yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
