Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
