dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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