wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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