I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I licked your asshole in confidence.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
