Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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