watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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