Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
