Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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