I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
