And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
