I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
