No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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