my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
