There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
