why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
