My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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