she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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