White coat. Heels.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
