a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
