White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
