Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
