Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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