stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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