is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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