Well apparently he's into motor boating.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
