I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
