I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
