Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
