I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
