So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
