Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize