Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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