Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize