Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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