I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
