omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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